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(no subject) [Dec. 9th, 2014|♥03:51 am]
It's me, an outlaw
So yeah this is normally what I do when I don't feel well, but I'm generally not quite this ill feeling. I feel like I might have to go to the bathroom again. Not sure, but I'd rather not. I'd rather just go sleep. Well, I also wish to feel less gross. But obv the sweating and stuff comes with it.

And this is why I kinda wanted Dan to leave... but I didn't want tp explain it to him, and also I didn't feel quite this unpleasant at the time.

This phone charges so slowly. Not that it matters. But tis due largely to the amount I use it, and slightly because it was used before me. (Thanks again, Scase brah)

Dis so confusing dat I'm cold and warm at the same time.

I wish so much that I were in the mood for some sexual ness. Like it would be favorable all around. It would be in giving form, not mutual - since I feel/ smell kinda grot (like, everywhere, which is very annoying). But I'd feel comfortable with my odor whilst giving a beej. But after the bming, idk that I'd be up to it. Tbh, I'm not up to much other than sitting here, hunched over, going ham on this touchpad. It's really pretty much impossible to focus on anything else... even dumb phone games. Though I may try again.
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

More Grossness [Dec. 9th, 2014|♥03:34 am]
It's me, an outlaw
...Forgot about the peppermint mocha latte I had a few hours ago... at like 9:30/10 pm... I'm a friggin' winner. Ugh I feel so disgusting. I just want to be tired and sleep and feel better from this mess. Face rather hot, trying to ignore it :( that does happen/ seem to happen when one throws up/ has diarrhea/ intense bodily functions. But it's hard for me to look at it logically. I assume only the worst is happening. Meh, trying to calm down/ relax. This is why I need to be healthier. This is not O.K. I wish I had someone to call or talk to about this right now... but who? What do I even say? I just want to feel better/ not have to deal with this. Ugh feeling so negative and it's hard for me to just accept that I may he sick, like normal people do time to time. Like it's the season to be sick. OK WHEN I PUT IN DEAL, DEATH CAME UP, WHEN I PUT IN SEASON... ok I thought a word came up, but it was looking at the structure of thr sentence or whatever. This is probably better on pen and paper. Maybe I should make a therapy appointment next week instead of in 3... but since I hopefully won't be feeling this way, I'll have nothing to talk about ... just like I didn't today. Like, this is a big problem for me..

I guess maybe because how I k (now it's wrong/ why I should calm down, I don't think I should/ want to talk about it. I know why it's stupid. But it's like I can't help it.

Ugh (new favorite word) this dog always be barking at 3 am. She is crazy about her schedule. I mean it's good that she barks when she has to go out, but she also barks for other reasons, for attention and stuff. I should be nicer to her; my grandma loved her and plus she is REALLY old. It's just there's a lot of things that repel me- and I really didn't spend enough time around her when she was younger to grow to like her. I know her mostly as she is now- bossy, needy, very stinky, gross feeling.
Obviously
LinkRing the doorbell//1 bag of poop|...Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

More Grossness [Dec. 9th, 2014|♥03:17 am]
It's me, an outlaw
...Forgot about the peppermint mocha latte I had a few hours ago... at like 9:30/10 pm... I'm a friggin' winner. Ugh I feel so disgusting. I just want to be tired and sleep and feel better from this mess. Face rather hot, trying to ignore it :( that does happen/ seem to happen when one throws up/ has diarrhea/ intense bodily functions. But it's hard for me to look at it logically. I assume only the worst is happening. Meh, trying to calm down/ relax. This is why I need to be healthier. This is not O.K.
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

Everybody Has Those Days -Hannah Montana/ Miley Stewart/ Miley Cyrus [Dec. 9th, 2014|♥02:42 am]
It's me, an outlaw
I generally go for the pen and paper method, but my boyfriend is in my room amd I feel weird rummaging through my things at 2am like a maniac... not that he doesn't think I'm one already. Ugh, anyway, it is so hard to cope when i and think reasonably when I don't feel well... wow it's hard to write like this. And the microphone thing does like one sentence at a time before it's like "I'm out" ok let us try the keypad... nope that didn't work.

Anyway, been feeling rather sick on and off the past few days. Honestly, it does make sense. I felt really sick after I worked out, actually that night I felt mostly ok, but at dinner I couldn't eat as much as I usually do. Which isn't so bad, but it's atypical. Like I didn't even wanna box that shit up.

So the next night, I drank. A lot. Like 12 beers. That night I ate mad shit: lunchable's, spinach dip, some weird Oriental chicken tv dinner (I'm primarily a vegetarian) and stayed up till about 6/7 and totally passed out, slept till 8pm. Felt generally shitty when I got up, well moreso shaky and tired and hungry (since I slept so long) and probably dehydrated... I tried to eat/ drink a lot (probably too much) to compensate. Also, 12 beers may make some feel like shit for a bit.

Slept till like 3 today; felt fine till around 5, then started having major diarrhea issues. Actually got to therapist's like 10 minutes early and shat in the bathroom for like 15 minute's. Hardcore. Felt pretty okay at apointment, a little worn out probably. After that, actually went out for dinner again. Side salad and veggie
wrap; but the wrap did have some typa creamy weird sauce on it...

Went to Petco and Walmart.h
In bad mood at home, a little more diarrhea I think, watched tv, bitched at dan, watched tv, more diarrhea. Thought about
LinkRing the doorbell//1 bag of poop|...Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

(no subject) [Nov. 21st, 2014|♥09:59 pm]
It's me, an outlaw
Ugh, reading my past entries... I was so young and full of life. And creative. I was a good writer. Now I'm like... how I put letters and words together and sentence make? Also, how I make transitions anymore? How do I start and end paragraphs? It feels so tedious now- plus I'm way too critical of myself these days. Being aware of this doesn't make me any less critical.

¶i wish I could draw a little paragraph sign. I need a tablet. Actually, no, I highly doubt that would improve my quality of life.

So... 4 years... what has happened since then? Actually, about 4 1/2...

HTML CODING THOUGH Literally made me feel like a genius.

4 years... 3 jobs, 1 boyfriend, 5 fabulous friends, um 2 rats, 2 hamsters and a mouse

60/70 pounds of sexy beef and cheese. Except I'm still a vegetaria... except for when I'm drunk or REALLY hungry. I feel like I've been drunk and hungry A LOT in the past 4 years. So yeah. There ya go.


Peaceskis.
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

(no subject) [Nov. 21st, 2014|♥09:34 pm]
It's me, an outlaw
Nope. 4 years.
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

(no subject) [Nov. 21st, 2014|♥09:32 pm]
It's me, an outlaw
SUP LIVEJOURNAL, IT'S BEEN A DECADE. ish.
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

(no subject) [Jul. 15th, 2010|♥05:58 am]
It's me, an outlaw
Plums are so fucking good.
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

(no subject) [Jul. 15th, 2010|♥05:46 am]
It's me, an outlaw

Why have a big mac when you can have...  O.K. well, I'm not steak.

Actually, why have meatballz when you can have MEEEEEEEEEE???!!!
Ch.  Idunno.

Hah.

Kelly lonely
Kelly often lonely but not like for real lonely.
Kelly want someone to play catch with and trade Pokémon cards.
Kelly condoms expire April 2013.
XD


 


LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

(no subject) [Jul. 11th, 2010|♥04:36 am]
It's me, an outlaw
[This is how it feels... |distresseddistressed]

Sobbing and hyperventilating.  Somehow I'll make it through.
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

Have you ever seen the rain? [Jul. 10th, 2010|♥02:55 pm]
It's me, an outlaw
[This is how it feels... |pessimisticpessimistic]

I really hate myself sometimes.
I always end up doing things that I told myself I wouldn't do again.
It's hard for me to be dropped like an atom bomb; like I'm suddenly an infectious disease.
It's hard to feel like nothing; to be reminded of how easily I can be forgotten or replaced.
I am made to feel like I am special and then I am treated like gum on a shoe; carelessly scraped from the bottom of your shoe.
So, I say thank you, thank you so much.
I really just don't know who to blame.
I am in a war with myself, a war with you and a war with the world.
I am in a war with the memories of abandonment and bitterness.
I didn't expect it.
It was like a shock to me.
I'm sick of being unsure whether to feel guilty and apologetic or angry and confrontational.
I wish I could just feel neither.  I wish I could just sink away.
But the truth is that anyone with eyes or a brain could see that I was led on.  As I have been before.
Someone usually just gives up on me.  I hate being reminded that.
It makes me wonder if anyone would truly enjoy me for more than a little while.
It's hard to be confident when you're blind and cold, when you have little to show for your heart and soul other than a few words and dried up tears. 
I tried my best to be confident; and as quickly as I gain it, it is once again broken.
Usually at the hands of others, with my own acceptance of this.
I allow anyone and everything to make me feel inferior; though I may fight it, I feel it; almost always I feel it.
I wish I could just pack up and get away from it all, but then I remember that I have no means to do so.  Or motivation.  So I just continue to lie here in my bed; partially angry with myself, partially feeling sorry, and most of all feeling angry for feeling sorry for myself.
I just want to be happy :P 
And even if I do become happy, it is always hard for me to accept.  It's much easier for me to be angry and bitter or sad and lonely than to be happy. 
Just getting some stuff off of my chest, I guess.
Though I probably sound like I am complaining and angsty and hate the world.
I'm just writing.  I rarely write for a reason.  I just write.

-Kelly
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

(no subject) [Jul. 3rd, 2010|♥03:35 am]
It's me, an outlaw


People make me want to scream sometimes.
Why do I have to be the only one to open myself up completely?
I give and I give and it seems like I never get much back.
It's not like it has been an easy road for me, attempting to properly interact with people.
I'm not sure who to blame for that.
Just having minimal friends as a child and then sticking to certain people as I got older.
And I dunno.  I was just born with a different whatever.  So is everyone, I guess.  And maybe we can all feel it within ourselves.
Since it's me, I guess it would make sense that I feel that way.  And feel like no one else feels that way.

-Kelly
P.S.:  But I know that it isn't true.
 


LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

(no subject) [May. 19th, 2010|♥06:20 pm]
It's me, an outlaw
>.<
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

Bah. [May. 4th, 2010|♥02:31 am]
It's me, an outlaw
[This is how it feels... |drunkdrunk]

 So.
I think this Freshmen be all up on Kyle
God, I HATE CHORUS/BAND TRIPS
Something awkward always comes out of it >.<

>.>

Just in an emo, mildly depressed mood.  Even though my party is in like 5/6 days.  WOO...hoo.

And there's also someone I kinda miss.  Just been doing some thinking.  Subconscious thinking.


YAY PARTY
heh.
@_@ I are all over da place.
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

(no subject) [Apr. 22nd, 2010|♥12:11 am]
It's me, an outlaw
[This is how it feels... |thoughtfulthoughtful]
[Brain fodder♪ |Polly says her back hurts...]

I want to split your tide

Open your mind

Change your focus

Move your center

I want to make you cry

Like a newborn taking its first breath

I want you to feel what it is to feel

I can taste it;

It tastes so bitter-sweet

And I don’t think I can help it

I want to get under your skin

‘Cause it feels so good

Between the air and your bones

LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

Writer's Block: Question everything. [Apr. 22nd, 2010|♥12:10 am]
It's me, an outlaw
[Tags|]

Do you often feel that random people ask you a lot of questions? Has anyone ever tried to ask you a lot of questions all at once? When people ask you a lot of questions all at once, do you ignore some of the questions? In those cases where someone asks you a load of questions, do you consider all the questions as one question, or maybe think of them as individual questions? After a lot of questions, if someone asks you to explain your answer, does that count as another question? Explain your answer.

SHUT.
UP.
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

Writer's Block: Defining moment [Apr. 19th, 2010|♥07:41 am]
It's me, an outlaw
[Tags|]

Is there a particular moment or event in your life that you reflect on most? Why was it so important, and how did it shape you?

Definitely when Stephanie got her lobes pierced.  Enough said.
LinkRing the doorbell//1 bag of poop|...Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

Writer's Block: Collector's piece [Apr. 17th, 2010|♥10:26 am]
It's me, an outlaw
[Tags|]

Do you collect anything? If so, describe your favorite collection (past or present).

BABIES yum yum
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

Writer's Block: Let's stay friends [Apr. 4th, 2010|♥06:40 pm]
It's me, an outlaw
[Tags|]

Do you stay in touch with your former romantic partners? Have most of your break-ups been amicable or messy?

Yeah,
Bit of both.
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

(no subject) [Apr. 4th, 2010|♥01:45 pm]
It's me, an outlaw
Meh.  Now I remember why I stopped using Livejournal.
Not that exciting. 
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

(no subject) [Mar. 25th, 2010|♥06:53 pm]
It's me, an outlaw
[This is how it feels... |weirdweird]
[Brain fodder♪ |uh hubbbaaaaaaaaaaaaa hubbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaaa (but not really.)]

Don't feel like re-telling my day, so:

UH HUBBBBAAAAAAAA HUBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAA

Also, this guy at the salon/barbershop next to my work asked me how old I was O.O  ;)  I feel like it was for someone else inside, but hey whatevaaa.  I said 19 XD
Meow meowwww.
LinkRing the doorbell//1 bag of poop|...Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

(no subject) [Mar. 24th, 2010|♥12:34 pm]
It's me, an outlaw
[This is how it feels... |crushedcrushed]

So, I'm a lot more upset than I put out.
I was really starting to fall for this kid.
And upon our breakup
He came out of the closet

Good for him
Not so good for me

I just feel sad and low

All the time and affections shared
All an act

And I'm not angry
I can't be angry
I'm just painfully low

I know that time will heal me, it has before.
But it kind of makes you doubt the world.

It just kind of sickens me.  Not the gay thing per se.
But the it was all a lie thing.

And the going through me thing to realize that.
I feel like a damn tunnel.  The other side is the highway.

Oh, and my rat pretty much has the black plague.
Fucking sweet.  Oh wait.  No.
But he still has lice or mites.
Awesome.  Something must have came in that new fucking food or something.
Because I CAN SEE THEM.
I could never see them before.  This is horrifying and awful
Beyond any description.

omfg.
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

Writer's Block: Countdown [Mar. 22nd, 2010|♥12:10 pm]
It's me, an outlaw
[Tags|]

If a catastrophe struck and you had to leave your home in a hurry (and never return), what items would you grab in your last ten minutes, and why?


I'm not going to dignify this cliché and overused question with a response.




Though I kind of just did XD
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

Writer's Block: News development [Mar. 21st, 2010|♥11:56 am]
It's me, an outlaw
[Tags|]

What's the first major news event that you remember hearing about as a child? Where did you learn about it? How did it impact your world view?

I pretty clearly remember the singer Selena's death.
Have no clue why or how.
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

Writer's Block: Paint the town green [Mar. 17th, 2010|♥02:45 pm]
It's me, an outlaw
[Tags|]

Do you plan on celebrating St. Patrick's Day? If so, how? What memories and feelings do you associate with this holiday?

No.
None.
LinkRing the doorbell//Leave a bag of poop//Set it on fire

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